I Choose to Choose

Well, I am a psychologist, as well as a licensed professional counselor, so I figured I should actually write something in my Psychology section.  But what to write about?  How do I choose?

How do I choose, indeed.  That's a great topic. 

Often we just don't make choices, as in not voting, and then we fail to realize that that's a choice too.  It says volumes about courage, and responsibility and involvement and energy and assertiveness, and self-esteem.  Not choosing is a cop out, plain and simple, and intellectually lazy to boot.

Many of our choices are unconscious, coming from that amazing and huge subconscious region of our minds.  The choices we make are sometimes kneejerk, coming from long-ago echoes from our childhood, when our parents, teachers and other caretakers told us what to do and how to think.  We often follow the precepts that they laid down for us without thinking consciously about them, and without asking ourselves, "Is that what I really want to do?  Is that in my best interest NOW?"  Things that we were taught to do as children, which might have been meant to curb our burgeoning curiosity which had few filters or aforethought, are not in our highest choices as adults.

For instance -- it wasn't until I was in my twenties that I realized that I didn't HAVE to watch the news every night.  I would stop whatever I was doing and sit down and watch the news, often unhappily and anxiously, and often feel depressed when I finally allowed myself to break away.  Late afternoon/early evening was always a difficult time of day for me.

When I became conscious, I remembered that turning the TV on at 5 had been a family ritual for my parents, who wanted to know what was going on, and wanted us kids to know and to develop intellectual habits of curiosity and knowledge seeking.  (That was when one could still learn something from the nightly news.)  All good and positive intentions.  I loved my parents and wanted to be like them and do well in their eyes, so I readily complied.

What I had internalized, and never questioned, in my child's mind was that "this was what smart and responsible people have to do".  It was a childish misreading of a ritual that subconsciously became a rigid guiding principle for my adult life, and it was making me very unhappy.  When I quit doing it, I felt uncomfortable and vaguely guilty for a while, like a bad little kid, but quickly experienced an uplifting rush of freedom and new possibilities in my life that was very motivating.  I became an adult and never looked back.

Now I watch the news when I choose to, and only then, so I enjoy it instead of feeling like a prisoner. 

Making a choice can be scary, or delightful, or confusing, or tiring.  Or all those things at once.  And it's OK - you can still do it.  It may take time, some wrinkled forehead muscles and sweat to become conscious of your choice, but you can do it.  You're worth it, and much more.  You build "choosing muscles" as you use them more and more, so take all the time you require to make a tough choice.  It takes time, just as it takes time to build real muscles.

You cannot create and enjoy your life without choosing.  And if you make the choice of not choosing, you leave yourself wide open to having someone else make choices for you.  It might be someone you don't like, or who is unethical, or who doesn't even know you, or worse.  The point is that it isn't you, and that's a tragedy.

You get to choose your life.  Have fun playing with that idea.